Some GEMS from the *brilliant* assistant... the exact text of some memos she wrote us:

1) After Stan and I discussed, we have agreement that I will work part time temporarily, and the schedule will be from 11:00 am to 5:00 pm. This schedule is adjustable according to my doctor appointment or other physical necessities. I appreciate your time and understanding for this request.

2) I have an appointment with M**** M**** International on Friday Sep 19, 2003 at 1:30 a.m., and I won't be in until 5:00 p.m. If you have anything that needs me done, please let me know earlier.

1:30 AM?? Is that a booty call?? I had to block out the name of the company in case someone knows them because I don't want them to know what a dumbass bookkeeper they're stuck with. (Or bookeeper, according to her resume). I was going nuts last week because I had to go through and do work on some files and she either puts stuff in the wrong client file or she doesn't file them chronologically. An easy 20 minute task turned into an hour of cleaning up the file. Eileen told me, "Don't blame her. Filing wasn't on her resume. FILLING was."

Oh yeah - something I forgot to mention earlier. Roomie's boyfriend came by Saturday (don't know how he got in, I was asleep) and I guess the roomie was hanging out with some other guy in her room. All I heard was yelling, banging, knocking stuff over, etc... He kicked a hole in her door so big she has trouble opening and closing the door to her room now. The instant I heard him leave, I signed off instant messaging onto my other name. I didn't want to deal with that shit anymore. Fucker was back the next night. Yeah, I don't expect to see any of my security deposit after I move out.