Today is the worst day ever... just been so irritated and pissed off this week and it came to a boil today. I don't function well when I'm pissed off. I scratched up my car at lunch today trying to find a parking space because Dante didn't leave me enough room in our long ass driveway to park behind him and he wasn't picking up his phone. I was driving through the back and the space is really narrow - I scratched it up bad... this is gonna end up costing me $1000, I just know it. Its taken me a long time to save to get my front bumper fixed from a previous accident and now this happens. I don't know what is wrong with me either... its not that time of month. Dante has been taking the brunt of my stress. Yesterday he had a huge headache and I was going off on him about something minor because I was pissed off from something else that happened with someone else earlier. I can't go into detail about what has been bothering me all week on the off-chance the person still has the address to this journal, so email me if you want to hear it... if you're a friend from college or a friend I've made recently, its not you :). Email me - I need advice on how to deal with it. Anyway, Dante was trying to make me feel better today (he knows what has been stressing me out and he wants to do something about it but I don't want him to be mean) and he offered to help me fix my car, but I just snapped at him, "Why do you even care about me?" I don't know where that came from and I feel so bad taking it out on him when he's trying to be nice. He has a BMW now named Bridget (I don't know why) and he considers my Audi (I named it Justin, what else? :)) Bridget's "boyfriend", so he says he has to take care of Justin too because Bridget can't be seen with someone bruised up. I guess I'm so not used to someone helping me out, I don't know how to deal with it when I do get help.

Anyway, about the other thing, I feel like a friend has been taking advantage of me recently and I don't know how to tell her to stop because I've been so nice in the past. You know how you're fine with a person and you overlook the little things but then when you decide you can't stand it anymore, every little thing starts bugging you? Thats the stage I'm at right now.

Steph and I were just talking about this yesterday - how some "friends" think because you have a job and you make money (however little that might be), they think you should pay for shit when you go out, just because. I think this friend thinks that because I let Dante live with me, I help him out with stuff, etc, that she should get the same advantages. She doesn't understand that its completely different when its a relationship (however screwed up that relationship might be at times). I work hard for my money (even though it may not seem like it at times) and I should be the one deciding how I spend that money! I want Dante to stay with me and that should be my decision.

Ugh, now that I think about it, I feel like a whole set of friends take advantage of me (still not you :))... I never had a problem with my college roommates re: money because it always evens out in the end. I pay for some shit, they pay for some shit... its not one-sided like it is with this set of friends. I'm always the one getting screwed! Anytime I go out with this friend, she only has a couple dollars so I always cover her for the rest ... "I'll get it next time." Is it next time yet?? Am I just being selfish??? Its my fault for always trying to be nice, for being a doormat and I don't know how to change things now. I just feel bad because I take my frustrations out on the wrong people sometimes.