I have to thank my family for being so hard on me when I was a kid, yelling at me when I didn't understand something and pushing me until I got it right... otherwise, I might be as dumb as the people here. Last week, the assistant's printer was printing all this gunk on the back of the papers she printed out so we told her to have the administrative assistant help her fix/clean her printer. 15 minutes later, the printer is clean but the power won't turn on. They were playing around with it for a little while and they gave up. I just assumed there was a REAL problem so we just started using my computer for printing checks, etc. We just assumed that printer didn't work and that was it. I don't know what they were waiting for though - I thought the big boss was gonna try and fix it later on when he had time but no one did anything with it the whole week. Eileen was complaining about how nothing works around this office today so I got up and decided I'd try to fix that computer - maybe change the settings, etc. I went over to the assistant's desk, the settings were for the wrong printer so I changed that and then I looked at the printer. The cord that connects the printer to the power outlet was loose so I pushed the plug in, turned it on and viola! printer works. Why is the youngest and almost lowest paid person in this office fixing everything?? Stan was asking me computer questions all last week and I fixed something on Eileen's computer. I was gone for an hour last week and the assistant had to print a check so she used my computer. I don't know what the hell she did but I was on the phone giving her directions and then she said the screen went blank but she insisted she didn't touch anything. (She turned the freakin computer off accidentally) Then I told her to turn ON the computer and then I told her to do exactly what she does on her computer to print out a check but do it on mine. It just wouldn't work so I came back to the office early to print out the damn check. That girl changed the settings on my computer!! What the hell... I changed back the settings and printed the check and just sat here for like 15 minutes shaking my head. I do need a damn raise if I do stay here.

Eileen was looking up job opportunities on the internet and she printed this out and highlighted some stuff for me. I've italicized the stuff we were laughing at...

APPLY FOR THIS JOB IF YOU MEET THE FOLLOWING CRITERIA:

1) EXTREMELY HARD WORKING & SUCCESSFUL MULTI-TASKER - rigorous approach to the work day given limitation of time/resources;

2) SCORE HIGHLY ON INTELLIGENCE TESTS - solves mathematical and logic-related problems with speed/ease;

3) THOROUGH & ATTENTIVE TO DETAIL - triple-checking work and constantly seeking industry best-practices;

4) PERSISENT GOAL ACHIEVER - tenacity to see each project to expeditious completion;

5) SELF-MOTIVATED - needs almost no supervision/prodding by management once the job/project has been assigned.

6) STRONG SOFTWARE SKILLS - Microsoft Office, W2K, IE, Advent Axys, Quickbooks.

The workday usually starts at 7:30-8:30 a.m. EST (we are on Wall Street/New York hours). If you are not a "morning person," this probably is not the best fit.

Wow... we're not gonna get a job anywhere else...